Club Chaos Agents - All Things Hollish, Wacked, and Jacked

I have never particularly liked The Beatle's song: You Say It's Your Birthday. It's on The White Album. It's a jarring tune. Not that there's anything wrong with jarring because I love the Foo Fighters, for example, but it's situated in the wrong place on the soundtrack.

When I bought that album in 1969, I was 17. Living in an apartment by myself, embarking on my senior year of high school and working 2 part-time jobs. My landlord knocked on the door to ask if he could borrow my White Album. When I told him I was late for school, he realized I meant high school and not college. I could not legally rent an apartment at age 17. Well, did he want to borrow the album or not? He kept his mouth shut. I lent him the album.

I'm thinking of that song today because it is my birthday. At my age, I'm just happy to reach another birthday. It's also hard to remember exactly how old I am without doing the math, subtracting my year of birth from the current year. I don't fit my preconceived perception of a person my age. The numbers don't mean anything.

Numbers that do carry a meaning are those slapped on a home for sale. Like this short sale home in Curtis Park. Unlike some, my Sacramento short sales tend to close escrow. I closed 5 last month and will probably close another 5 this month.

This 4-bedroom, 3-bath home was built in 2006 and, although it's attached to a home on the other side, it's just like living in your own single-family residence. You've got a big back yard, which is fenced, with a birch tree, nice landscaping, flowers, green lawn and concrete patio. The front yard is pretty, too, with a wrought iron fence. It also has a one-car garage.

Inside, you'll find enormous square footage for the area -- more than 2,200 square feet. When you step inside this home, you enter another world. It's simply beautiful. Gorgeous hardwood floors and an open floor plan greet you. A bank of cabinets hanging from the ceiling offer additional storage space in the kitchen and opens up the kitchen to the formal living room.

The kitchen has granite counters and an island with a sink that does double duty as a breakfast bar. All stainless appliances, and the counter-depth built-in refrigerator stays. Off the kitchen are French doors that lead to the back yard patio. The formal dining area and family room combination are situated in a L-shape off the other side of the kitchen. There is a ceiling fan in the family room and a fireplace in the living room.

You've also got that hard-to-find first-floor bedroom, which is presently used as a playroom but could also be a den. The room sizes are big and spacious.

The second floor is carpeted but the baths are ceramic. Upstairs, the master suite has vaults and a ceiling fan, plus a huge bath. Double sinks, vanities on 2 walls with a wrap-around mirror, a jetted tub and an oversized walk-in shower. Of course, there's an extra-large walk-in closet, too. Down the hall, you'll find 2 more big bedrooms and another bath.

3657 24th Street, Sacramento, CA 95818 is offered exclusively by Lyon Real Estate as a short sale at $275,000. For more information, call your Sacramento short sale agent, Elizabeth Weintraub, at 916 233 6759.

Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub

What is your opinion on men who wear "man skirts?" I ask because my husband and I spotted a fellow with a ponytail in row 2 at the 24th Street Theatre (part of the Sierra 2 in Curtis Park) who wore a short denim skirt last night to the Richard Thompson concert. It had plenty of pleats, too. It wasn't a kilt. He paired it with a black, form-fitting shell and walked past us barefoot in the aisle. I didn't notice skirt guy, but my husband did.

He has a right, noted my husband, to be comfortable and wear whatever he wants, but it's too bad that he has to be "that guy," which left me confused about what he was trying to say. The dear love of my life went on to explain. When my husband was fitted for his first suit, he had selected a double-breasted suit. The tailor told him no, if he wore a double breasted suit, he'd always be known as "that guy -- that guy in the double-breasted suit."

Doors opened at the 24th Street Theatre at 6:30. The place holds only 300 people. An usher handed out slips of paper on which we were instructed to write our song requests, one per person. I let my husband select my favorite Richard Thompson song because, quite frankly, standing out there in the hot sun after a full day of dealing with Sacramento short sales left my mind blank. The only song that I could think of off the top of head was his take on "Oops, I did it again."

Once seated, the air conditioning blasted me in the face. I froze during most of the concert, which is what I get for wearing a t-shirt and not bringing a sweater. Then, I felt somebody kicking my chair from behind. You know what it's like to be sitting on a airplane with a 3-year-old behind you who keeps kicking your chair back, right? First couple of kicks don't bother you, but by the time it gets to be repetitive, you may have to curb the desire to climb over the back of your chair and beat the kid to a bloody pulp with your barf bag.

I waited for the kicking to stop. But it didn't. So, I turned around and tapped the knee of the woman behind me. "Excuse me," I smiled, "But I believe you are absentmindedly kicking the back of my chair." She instantly pointed the finger to her husband and blamed him. Yup, he was kicking my chair all right. "Do you want me to continue?" he laughed. Hey, it's irritating. He stopped.

The first act was the Alternative String Band. First and second violin, a guy playing a viola (which he described as a "violin on steroids") and a cello. They were much better than I had anticipated, opening with Eleanor Rigby. Their set consisted of songs by Van Morrison, Led Zeppelin, The Turtles, U2, Annie Lennox and The Cream. Penny Lane, by the Beatles, was an exceptional number.

Richard Thompson appeared on stage about 8:30, wearing his trademark beret. He stood during the entire performance, plucking songs out of a basket that looked like the type of basket a snake charmer would use and playing requests. He opened with The Who's Substitute, played a bunch of requests in between, including 1952 Vincent Black Lightning, and then closed after 3 encores with a Jimi Hendrix tune: Hey Joe.

I was frozen by the time the show ended. I was so cold that I had actually considered ripping the socks off my husband's feet and wrapping them around my arms, that's how desperate I was for warmth. Here's a tip: if you go to the 24th Street Theatre in Curtis Park, bring a jacket or don't sit under the vents near the front.

Elizabeth Weintraub is an author, columnist for The New York Times-owned About.com, a Land Park resident, and a Land Park real estate agent who specializes in older, classic homes in Land Park, Curtis Park, Midtown and East Sacramento. Weintraub is also a Sacramento Short Sale agent who lists and successfully sells short sales throughout Sacramento. Call Elizabeth Weintraub at 916.233.6759. Put 35 years of real estate experience to work for you.

The Short Sale Savior, by Elizabeth Weintraub, available in bookstores everywhere and at Amazon.com.

Sacramento Short Sale Agent, Elizabeth Weintraub, has the answers to your Sacramento short sale questions.

Photo: Big Stock Photo

Although this home has an outrageously beautiful remodeled mastersuite bath, there is still an opportunity for some lucky buyer to personalize and upgrade this 1926 Curtis Park charmer to build equity. The address is 3215 Cutter Way, accessible from 7th Avenue, and the location is fantastic. Cutter Way runs parallel to and is a block away from East Curtis. East Curtis is a main thoroughfare fronting the lovely William Curtis Park. Many homes on Cutter are Tudors, adding a certain amount of glamor to the neighborhood.

The home has a newer shake roof, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a formal dining room with an original chandelier and leaded glass doors on the built-in china hutch. Some of the unusual features -- besides the vintage light fixtures, picture railings, chair rails, high baseboards and all the leaded glass windows -- are all the nooks, crannies, built-in storage and closet spaces.

Most of the flooring is original hardwood. The kitchen is laminate, but the breakfast nook through the archway has wood flooring. The first-floor bath has the original "chicken wire" tiled floor, big tub with shower and an updated pedestal sink. The second-floor mastersuite bath boasts a slate floor, soaring wood ceiling, a granite-like vanity that runs from wall to wall and a new shower.

There is also an oversized one-car garage with a step-down workshop added to the back. Pretty yard with flowers, camellias, fence and auto sprinklers in the front and rear.

More attractive is the price: $385,000, which is under the maximum conforming loan limit to qualify for the best interest rates. Call your Curtis Park agent, Elizabeth Weintraub, Lyon Real Estate, for a private showing at 916.233.6759.

3215 Cutter Way, Sacramento, CA 95818

The Short Sale Savior, by Elizabeth Weintraub, available at Amazon.com.

Elizabeth Weintraub is an author, columnist for The New York Times'-owned About.com, a Land Park resident and a Land Park real estate agent who specializes in older, classic homes in Land Park, Curtis Park and the inner core of our capital city of Sacramento. Call Elizabeth Weintraub at 916.233.6759. Put 35 years of real estate experience to work for you.

Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub

Yesterday afternoon a Curtis Park buyer's agent called me to ask for the code to show one of my listings. It was hard to hear what he was saying because there was a lot of noise in the background. I immediately jumped into my spiel about the home, pointing out some of the wonderful updates the sellers have completed. He listened and then asked: Why didn't I simply put the alarm code in the lockbox instead of making agents call me?

I explained my sellers' concerns, that it was actually their decision not to put the alarm code in the lockbox. We talked for maybe 10 minutes. He seemed disturbed for some reason that the code wasn't in the lockbox. He said that agents will set off the alarm at least once a week.

"Well, no, it hasn't happened yet," I said, adding that this home has been on the market for a few months.

Then I asked when he wanted to show the home because I would need to call the caretaker to let him know the time, just in case the caretaker was there for some reason. Here's how that conversation went:

Buyer's agent: "Um, I want to show it right now. I mean, I am at the home."

Duh. The light bulb went off in my head.

Me: "So . . . that noise in the background, would that happen to BE THE ALARM, by any chance?"

"Buyer's agent: "Uh, yeah, it went off when I opened the door."

And here he spent 10 minutes talking to me and arguing with me about why the code wasn't in the lockbox! I don't know why agents don't read the confidential agent remarks in MLS, but it's obvious that some don't.

It sounds unbelievable, doesn't it? A 4-bedroom home in the Land Park / Curtis Park area of Sacramento for $75 a square foot? Hey, it's for sale. I hate to burst your bubble, but it's a farce. How do I know it's a farce? For starters, homes in that area sell in the upper $300's -- on average about $250 a square foot.

A bank is not going to accept a short sale offer at a price dramatically below the area's comparable sales. To deliberately price a home this low is terribly misleading to consumers and reflects poorly on the credibility of real estate professionals.

You may ask yourself why would an agent price a short sale like this? I don't know the agent in question but I would suspect it's because the agent hopes to draw multiple offers. The truth is that agent would get multiple offers if the home had been priced 10% below the comparable sales instead of 50% below market value.  There is no need to try to trick buyers.

On the other hand, the agent may be trying to attract home buyers to whom he can sell other properties. That's known as a bait and switch tactic, I believe. The types of buyers attracted to this home will be buyers who want to pay 25 cents on the dollar or those who can't afford to pay market. Call me silly, but working with those buyers in this particular real estate market is like trying to teach my cat to walk on a leash. Ain't gonna happen, and it's waste of time.

If you see a home priced under market, ask your agent if that price is for real. On short sales, all offers are subject to bank approval, so agents can slap any old price tag on them that they want. But it doesn't mean anything.

The Short Sale Savior, by Elizabeth Weintraub, coming June 2009.

Photo: Big Stock Photo